The non-conformist of the year awards

Bobby Buff-10x winner
Chucky-2x winner
Documentary Man-2x winner
Jeff Jenkins-2x winner
Zombie-2x winner
Cousin Buff-1x winner
Manson-1x winner
thekingpin68-1x winner

January 11, 2010

2009: Mr. Jeff Jenkins (2x winner)

Jeff is also a very fine graphic artist.

I have still have not met Jeff in person, and when I do will wear a bullet-proof vest and have the bomb squad on speed dial, but for the second straight year he is our winner. For his 2008 write-up and all the other write-ups about these clowns please see below.

Hey, Jeff, please don't open any anonymous packages at your door.

Well, I thought that my blog posts concerning theodicy, the problem of evil, free will, determinism, the NHL, Latter-Day Saints, Jehovah's Witnesses, save the gay whales, and relationships were controversial enough, but THE JEFF blows that away. Here are some recent post titles:

Islamic Slavery

Islam: Tears of Jihad

Muslim Brotherhood 'Conspiracy' to Subvert America

Barack Obama the Beast of Revelation...okay, that is not on Jeff's blog.

The Jeff

Now, I provide his link while selfishly stating that you are better off reading my wonderful, awesome, 'fatastic' blogs thekingpin68 and satire and theology. So if you have ten minutes to spare please give Jeff's two minutes and mine eight.

Jeff mellowed a bit in the fundi department this year which was nice to see. Thankfully, however, he still does not think that humankind evolved from apes, although when I think of couple of my male friends...I do wonder.

The also-rans...

thekingpin68: Yes, I ran a fair amount in 2009 as my dental apnea appliance is moving me in a healthier direction. I of course remain macho theology/philosophy man. I would have blown a gasket had Wales given me a MPhil in January 2009 instead of a PhD with revisions. Now I just need that final word from Wales.

BTW, Wales is a country Americans as opposed to save the gay Whales.

Bobby Buff: I am glad you have that 'radio' installed in your chest for your ticker. But, I do not know why you cannot connect it to my computer speakers and play us some good music. Thanks for all the smart*** blog comments in 2009.

Saint Chucklins: Perhaps you should open up your own Mennonite/Presbyterian monastery/psych ward, with funding from governments of course. See previous entries.

January 4, 2009

2008: Mr. Jeff Jackson (a.k.a. Jenkins) (1 x winner)

Mr. Jeff Jackson is my supportive friend and has the Thoughts and Theology blog. He is the first person that I have not actually met in person to win the non-conformist of the year award. This award that has existed, at least in my mind since 1989, has been dominated by Bobby Buff, who also has various other aliases, but in my mind Jeff deserves it for 2008.

The award existed in paper text format for years and has been on-line since 2006.

From Jeff's one profile picture I must state that it is nice to do the cross-cultural friends thing with someone that at least looks part black.;) I reason I am doing my bit for world peace and for peace and diversity within the 'body of Christ.'

Hey baby you're cool.

What has Mr. Jackson done in 2008?

He has supported my blogs thekingpin68 and satire and theology. Thank you, Jeff.

He has taken a stance against the acceptance of homosexual practice in the church and in society to the point of sometimes 'fundi' zeal. He attempted to take my head off/choke me out/Chuck Norris me/toss me like the Lochness Monster tossed that British presenter/force feed me an entire bottle of 'Happiness' spice from Rick Beef one time in a post where I stated that in Canada as we now have same-sex marriage, I would rather have the compromise in our very secular and non-Christian society of same-sex civil unions. Of course I would more prefer neither same-sex marriage or civil unions, but Mr. Jackson was worked up over the issue in Florida and let his canons rip!

Jeff acted like the last man remaining in a Zombie movie!

Sometimes Mr. Jackson needs to have a cold shower running because he gets so overheated as he begins to burn his keyboard. He actually fried a couple of the deadly spiders that infest his house by breathing on them. He would have snacked on them if he had a bottle of 'Happiness', but he did not.

Mr. Jackson also can go nuts on Facebook. He is a great supporter of my blogs on Facebook, thanks Jeff, but he goes a bit crazy with the applications...wow, he has stated he often has about a hundred messages to deal with. Perhaps Mr. Jackson should get a job as a graphic illustrator for Facebook.

Mr. Jackson is wisely not a supporter of the theory of macroevolution, however, if he saw my hairy friends Chucky and Deeaaaan, he may reconsider.

Chucky stated: Golly gee whiz, that Bobby sure features prominently in the awards, don't he?



2007: Chucky (2x winner)

A.K.A.:

Chuck
Sir Charles Nelson Chuckles

Congratulations, Sir Chucklins!

Chucky is so committed to his family that he has dedicated himself to near monastic like existence. He even forsakes many job opportunities in order to stay closer to Maple Ditch and assist his family. He has also forsaken purely hypothetical opportunities for true love, although they were seemingly few and far between, kind of like Manson’s nose hair trimming escapades, Zombie’s Bible studies, thekingpin’s dates, and Bobby’s trips over seas. It is tough finding a compatible Christian woman in ‘Vangoober’ (as the NBA commissioner kind of sounded like he pronounced it).

Chucky is such as nice guy, that in 2007 he visited on-line an atheist blog to assist a Christian blogger who was facing abuse, and Sir Charles was called an a hole is the process. Chuckles will walk ‘into it’ for a fellow human being, and that is the good Mennonite way! They should be called Men no knights. Chucky would give you the shirt off his back, and Bobby Buff would definitely give you the shirt off his back. Some guys are so hairy or have so much stomach muscle that they should never give someone the shirt off their back.

Also-rans:

Bobby Buff had a rough 2007, but still managed to shine…thanks to Crisco. He helped lead a peasant’s revolt against a tyrannous industry and now works for higher wages and with more reasonable hours, and yet an evil still lurks.

Cousin Buff our 2006 champion, had a lavish wedding attended by the College of Cardinals and Pope Benedict XVI. I asked the Pope that since the NFL’s Saint Louis Cardinals moved to Arizona, if the College of Cardinals would ever consider moving to the United States for a better lease, and more revenue from outside sales, and he gave me a flat ‘no comment’. Cousin Buff’s wedding featured dancers from 190 nations, although the Palestinian dancers would not go on the same stage as the Israeli ones. Cousin and Bobby Buff did an impromptu dance with their shirts off all greased up to raise money to pay for the wedding and reception. Cousin Buff and his new bride went to her Asian homeland to rent a huge truck and deliver garbage into neighbourhood bins. It was called ‘Project Buff Up’.

Documentary Man continues teaching at a preppy school in central Florida and avoided having his tires slashed in 2007.

Zombie is still paying his debts, although he does not seem to own a heck of a lot despite all the payments he makes. Zombie’s finances are perhaps like one big hole in the ground.

Philosophy Man and the Bulgarian Princess had a beautiful baby girl and not the triplets as speculated. The two month old has already shown a great interest in samba dancing and has the run of the house. She is being taught, sub-consciously as we speak, how to nag Daddy…;) Thanks for the New Year’s party!

Thekingpin68, yours truly, has had his sleep apnea relapse. With all the taxes we pay in this country the government will not pay to have my jaw moved forward. I need ideas for collecting the $15,000 plus needed for the jaw surgery. I need to finish my PhD and find work…duh.

February 10, 2007

Update:

Philosophy Man and his dear wife Bananjela today sent out one of those this is how our year has been emails to friends. It was well done and highlighted some nice new pictures on their website. I admit myself to have sent out those kinds of mass emails with bcc when I was in England, as in this is how crappy my year has been, but thankfully things are somewhat better now. Thankfully, or perhaps not, depending on your perspective the email gave me an idea for a satirical, somewhat fictional account of the year of the non-conformists.

Here it is:

Greetings this is thekingpin. I am sorry for writing this impersonal mass, bcc email but I have spent much of the last two evenings and mornings staying up sending out problem of evil questionnaires to those persons I know worldwide. I was therefore tired and was faced with the option of writing to each and every one of my dear friends personally, or trying to win an Actual Soccer tournament on my Mac clone. Clearly you can see which choice I made. Please don’t feel bad as losing occasionally does not make you a loser.

2006 was fatastic for me as I lost almost 20 pounds after my two sleep apnea surgeries. I also lovingly welcomed several large dark clumps of vitreous floaters into the back of my eyes, especially the right. It is so cool trying to read and having those pretty artistic black wispy lines floating back and forth. I really appreciate my local eye doctors telling me how acceptable they were and warning of me of the evils of heading down to the Excited States to have them removed, even though these local doctors were not technically familiar with what the doctor in the Exited States did, and were not willing to find out. Thanks to the wonderful surgeon here my nose no longer closes up at night, and without my tonsils and uvula I no longer wake up at night gasping for air and scaring the tar out of anyone who happens to hear me.

Academically it appears that things are going well. I am cool with the department as long as I don’t talk about everlasting hell, evolution, abortion, ufos, homosexuality, Michael Jackson, or why England has not won the FIFA World Cup since 1966.

Chucky’s star has continued to rise in the church choir circles. Chucky Saint Divine: Choir Boy for the 21st century. As well, he is becoming known on the net as Sir Charles Nelson Chuckles the debonair comic book collector. Clearly this man is on his way up. He has purchased a new pair of glasses, which give him that baby eyes look, as opposed to the other pair of Lennon’s, which at times give him the snotty French debonair comic book collector look. With French accent, “Oui, Oui, you English pig dog, how dare you want to trade that modern age comique for my bronze age masterpiece!”

Documentary Man’s star also rose in 2006 as he is becoming known as the most overeducated and intellectual prep school teacher in America. Since it is too much of a pain in the ass to get a PhD and teach graduate students, Documan wisely simply teaches the youngsters at a PhD level. Documan had a difficult time in the beginning convincing the administration that a 50% grade in his class was an A, but they eventually went along with it.

Bobby Buff is quickly become known for his book and CD; congratulations my friend. Bobby’s deal with Crisco has paid dividends as each book and CD has a Crisco coupon within. Crisco donates 1 cent from all sales to the Columbia Bible College: East Maple Ridge project. Bobby hopes to one day build a satellite Columbia site in East Ridge and coax all the old retired professors from the 1990’s out of retirement, or out of the grave if need be by prayer, in order to teach there.

Cousin Buff has continued with his environmental awareness and rumour has it has been visiting several lonely garbage bins throughout the Lower Mainland.

Philosophy Man and Bananjela have continued with their environmental work as well. There is hope that eventually their family shall increase in size and they can buy the lot across the street and build a centre for environmental awareness and samba.

Little John has had a good year of work and his career is blossoming. He is planning a few trips and may one day work on his PhD. Have you looked at Brown University?

2006: Cousin Buff (1x winner)

He dethrones his cousin, Bobby Buff, and the throne is a sensitive subject in our group!

Bobby Buff wanted:

The body of Arnold...
The voice of Elvis...
The spirituality of Jesus...

He received:

The body of a 'Big Jim'...
The voice of Buddy Holly...
The spirituality of Mister Rogers...

Sir Chuckles of Haney, thinks I was lenient in not giving the 2006 award to Bobby Bluffeuffofus because I somewhat overlooked the seriousness of Bluff stating one night that his children, presently under the age of 10 years old, would not in the future attend college or University.

The Garbage Man cometh!! We have a new, first time winner of the non-conformist of the year award. Cousin Buff, congratulations!! Why is Cousin Buff our 2006 winner, especially since I saw him less than five times this year? At the Buff family fire a few months ago, Cousin Buff was ranting and raving on cousin Bobby Buff's new book, 'Son, don't just bluff look buff'. Cousin Buff went on and on, "wow, wow, wow, wow". Meanwhile Chucky and I looked at each other thinking, the book is good, but not that good. One would think that Cousin Buff was considering Bobby's book for Biblical canon status, or perhaps if not canon, Bobby's book should considered for Church Father status, as the volume would be credited to the Greek Father, "Saint Bobbus Bluffeuffofus". One would think that Bobby would soon be on Oprah flogging the book. Cousin Buff and his girlfriend apparently set up a table at his church presenting Bobby's book. Yes, of all the books in the world, they push the book of a 160 pound, greased up, well meaning weight trainer who wants his sons to grow up right, and slight. Were the writings of Augustine, Luther, or Calvin at the table? No! Instead the table featured the work of theological wizard Bobby Buff. Months later, I heard from Bobby that Cousin Buff listened to the pre-production version of Bobby's new CD, "Plastic Retractions" and once again the response was "wow, wow, wow, wow". The CD is good, but by no means should be confused with a classic. Perhaps it would be "plassic"?

The main reason Cousin Buff is the winner for 2006, is that he has shown an uncommon care and concern for the environment. Cousin Buff failed to make it to the dump to drop off garbage in the back of his pick-up truck at the end of a work day. He knew that the dump would be closed for the weekend and was so concerned with environmental problems such as garbage odour, sabotage from rats and dogs, the ozone layer, and global warming, that something had to be done with the trash that night! After viewing a hockey game with yours truly, Cousin Buff, driving us home in his truck, searched the local area for a garbage bin located in a empty industrial park lot with no security. Cousin Buff, with his compassionate heart saw an empty, and lonely garbage bin on an industrial lot and quickly unloaded his twenty bags of garbage into the formally ignored, and overlooked bin. Cousin Buff then floored his pick-up truck on the wet streets and headed towards home. I laughed so hard as Cousin Buff modestly did not want anyone to see his love for the environment or his compassion for that formerly lonely, unappreciated, and empty garbage bin. Cousin Buff you deserve this award!

I had my nasal reconstruction surgery done in July and I am recovering. That combined with my March uvula and tonsil removal means I have slightly more energy and have lost 16 pounds. I am no longer a great candidate for DQ magazine. Bobby has been a T.V. star this year as a fairly lame man on the street interviewed Bobby about his book. At the end of the interview the man on the street wisely stated that "Bobby's world was the only world Bobby knew." How amazing that the man on the street figured Bobby out in less than a day! Bobby thinks I should be non-conformist of the year this year, but I think not. Bobby has still produced some gems. He loves his children tremendously and is a great father, but his desire/obsession to impose his "phony lifestyle" upon them is fascinating. While driving in the car one night, Bobby, Little John and I went by a technical high school, and the well meaning Bobby stated that his kids would go there, because they would not likely go to college or University. Keep in mind his kids are not even 10 years old! So, because Bobby and Daddy, work at the mill, Grandpa worked at the mill, Great gramps smuggled moonshine, Great, Great gramps trapped raccoons, Great, Great, Great gramps smuggled and sold manure, Great, Great, Great, Great gramps fought for the south in the civil war, then Bobby's boys won't go to college or University. How does Bobby know? He is a prophet or the amazing Kreskin? Or does God always let Bobby know what is going to happen by intuition? If so he should start his own pseudo-Christian cult, The Church of Bobby Buff, Latter-Day Fakes. Did Bobby find mystical golden weights buried on his parent's estate? Hmm, come to think it, looking at this list, Bobby you're right, your kids won't go to college or University.;) Anyway, Bobby is sure to bring his kids up in a godly household, and if they rebel it will be of a serious nature of crossing a bridge and moving to another town, or even worse moving to a big city for a job. I can imagine Bobby having to drive out to Vancouver on the weekend to see one of his kids...

2005: Bobby Buff (10x winner)

Wow golly gee, Bobby is a professional labourer, body builder, Elvis fan and newly published author, with this book 'Son, don't just bluff look buff'.

Chapters include:

Like me don't use "roids", because "bitch tits" are a possibility
I love myself am real significant, I think so anyway
Be yourself, and don't be too realistic
Never give up! Be obsessive
Crisco is crucial for personal self-esteem

Bobby congrats!

Bobby-"Thank you, thank very much".

The 2005 candidates (cheesy music playing from The Apprentice)

thekingpin (1x winner)-Although I am a muscular force and work out a lot and eat a little, the results of sleep apnea make me look more like a DQ (Dairy Queen is an American fast food place that is not located world-wide) model than a GQ model. I am looking forward to getting some energy and losing some weight. I have my throat surgery in March and will actually breath well while sleeping for once is my life. This all could avoided if the MDs would have heeded the calls of my Mommy when I was little and removed my constantly swollen tonsils, but no, no, "We know better in the early 1970s, after all look at our Charles Manson inspired hair styles". In 2005 I have actually come close to finishing my PhD, so I can actually get a real job, wowee! I have a part-time job in security and have had to put up with crap from drunk idiots smashing up the can after a wedding, and people who refused to close the fire exit door. I also need more plastic surgery on my weak eye lid, with the idea being for the eye to close better while sleeping and for me to have a shot on being on the cover of DQ. I was cornered at church by an emotional chick that claimed I must get on the C-PAP machine, or else she would be angry with me in heaven forever, if I died young. She said @#$% the money, just get the machine. I don't want it anyway, and I can't sleep with cotton in the ears, forget trying to breath with that thing. I appreciated her intentions, but can't afford C-PAP even if I wanted it, but she would not listen, and what she was saying made slightly more sense than John McLaughlin's 1972 bootleg, pot influenced religious rant at the Whisky A Go Go club.

Chucky (1x winner)-Boop, boop, boop, Chucky's year has been so tough that his blood pressure is now sky high, and that perhaps is why his head is sometimes so red it looks like it could blow up. Chucky has also had to look after his sick Dad and help out his family, for which he deserves much credit. He has as well had to beat off some 40 something chick chasing him all over...go Chucky go! Hey Chuck, Ron Popeil sold that spray that covers up bald spots remember?

Documentary Man (2x winner)-The defending champion gets a break since I have not seen him since 2004. thekingpin-"Hey, thanks for the photo copies from Harvard for my PhD".

Documentary Man-"Shhh, I am in the middle of my daily 5 hour walking and kneeling prayer". Documan and Mrs. Documan are currently in California and may be meeting in-laws...EVERYBODY PRAY! See 2004.

Philosophy Man aka the late (real name)-Your puppy is a real piece of work with his championship dumps on the carpet and eating the New Year's Eve grub...good luck with the training sessions. It may be easier for you to train Chuck and I to find Christian women to date...

2004: Documentary Man (2x winner)

In 2004, he has been married twice, and been in several controversies concerning religion. He has attempted to persuade some of his critics of the truth of his arguments using theatrical prose and poetry, but often has dug himself a bigger hole. Now he must wait for his green card, and can hopefully stay a choir boy until he can go back to the USA. However, this will likely only be possible if he can avoid Bible study discussions, vicars, and family members.

Bobby stated: Hey, Documentary Man, the years (2004) not over yet, but I admit that taking the title from you this year would be quite a feat even for me, Bobby Buffster. thekingpin stated: There is no way I could win the award this year (2004). Documentary Man is marrying twice with godly intentions but controversy, and Bobby did his protest at the mill baba. Bobby stated: Congratulations Documentary Man on getting married. I wish all the best to you and your new wife. I hope that you will place your comments here on this highly commendable website. Beware of the WebMaster, He may spin a web of nonconformity upon us all!

COUSIN BUFF: Well I think the King Pin has out done himself this time. Non conformist of the year hey. Well it seems as though if this king pin finishes his schooling and finally gets his dream job. He might become the conformist of that year. who knows when that will be though. lol kidding buddy it will be soon Im sure. Oh imagine the auther and creator being elected for something he invented.

2003: Manson (1x winner)

"Call and confirm" : For me to be expected to call you to confirm, when you were supposed to come out to visit me, sealed it Manson.

2002: Documentary Man (1x winner)

The Documentary Man visits Canada, as well as making a splash in NYC. "Do you speak English?", NYC female Burger King server to Mr. Oxbridge of the English upper class.

2001:Bobby Buff (9x winner)

I return to Canada to find a Bobby who is more willing to spend time, but now I hear comments such as him having the "best build of all his friends"...nuff said.

2000-Chucky (1x winner)

DECEMBER 24 2000, IS A DAY THAT SHALL LIVE IN INFAMY. The bottle incident, Mr. Freeze...nuff said.

1999-thekingpin68 (1x winner)

I was squabbling with both Trinity Western University and Manchester University over "well meaning" advisors at the same time, so I win.

1998:Bobby Buff (8x winner)

Bobby begins to question some of his phoniness as some of his friends move away or threaten to (like me). His plan to keep all the same friends, in the same town, all his life, now goes to pot, as does his hope that we can set up a major Bible College in his parents back 40.

1997:Bobby Buff (7x winner)

Bobby wonders if having children will cause him to lose weight.

1996:Bobby Buff (6x winner)

Married life and Bobby now feels he has even better reasons to be as he is...in his own little worl...there.

1995:Zombie (2x winner)

Two time winner as marriage hits the rocks faster than the Canucks in the playoffs.

1994:Zombie (1x winner)

Trojan condoms and April 5 1995...nuff said. However, my squabble with Columbia Bible College over me taking Greek via correspondence cannot be overlooked, as I was called a Bulldog by a professor known as the Undertaker.

1993:Bobby Buff (5x winner)

I invited Bobby to go to the UK with Chuck and I after we graduated, but he declined stating that he was "too disciplined" with bodybuilding.

1992:Bobby Buff (4x winner)

Getting Plastic Man over the Pitt River bridge was an amazing feat. He needed to attend Missionsfest to pass a course, and he had to temporarily consider my assertion that the McDonald's truck we passed on the highway was a roving McDonald's restaurant.

1991:Bobby Buff (3x winner)

"I'm not showing off my muscles at Columbia with my muscle shirts, Russ". What a load of cow pie, as he admitted many years later.

1990:Bobby Buff (2x winner)

Getting Bobby out of the gym or away from watching He Haw reruns was quite difficult this year.

1989:Bobby Buff (1x winner)

When I met Bobby for the first time I figured that he was a godly Christian guy, and a "big phony". Well, sometimes first impression are sometimes true.