Presumed funny celebrity statements

Bahia Honda Bridge, Florida (photo from

Should we build one like this from Canada to Australia? See below:

My Mom emailed me a list of funny statements. I have found at least one other version of each statement credited to the same person, prior to publishing. I desire to be fair. We all make incorrect and questionable statements at times. I am in no way verifying that the statements made were by the persons credited with making them. Some of the statements from the email I have already disqualified.


"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

Notice how the issue almost immediately comes back to her weight. Can you reasonably imagine a commentator that would pour his/her heart out concerning the terrible issue of world starvation and then come back with a self-centred comment about his/her own desire to be thinner?

I know there are some Christians in Hollywood and in the New York media, but with statements like the above, it is no wonder why so many Christians look at Hollywood and the New York media in often negative terms. From a Christian perspective, feeding the poor should be a priority. From the New American Standard Bible, Proverbs 14:21 clause b, states that happy is he who is gracious to the poor.

'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,' --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

Perhaps the thugs do not bother with the mugging or assault, they just go straight for the murder.

Charles Manson would be proud. Helter Skelter.

'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?'
--Lee Iacocca

Perhaps, if Mr. Iacocca did make that statement, there should be a country, perhaps Greenland;), lead by him. In this country there would be no emissions standards and very little clean air. No offense to the people of Greenland; I enjoy flying over it on the way the United Kingdom.

'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Wow, finally some good news for those suffering with heart problems! The government at work!

'Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas.'
--Keppel Enderbery

Hey, let us build a bridge, or under the ocean tunnel from Canada to Australia, and then we can state that the Australian imports from Canada are not coming from overseas...sort of.

'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

Man, and that comment had to come from the South. Those people take enough abuse (often wrongly) concerning their intellect already.

'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

Too many shots to the head?

Equally Matched & equally scammed

Warning to not email me, I have a satire blog:

I am on Christian Cafe for the free days, and recently I have joined a free and supposedly Christian site by the name of Equally Matched.

I am sceptical about this site as I have already run across three scammers including the one below. I will not post the photos she provided as they may not actually be of the person that sent the email. On Christian Cafe, I often face ageism as many of the women are seemingly more concerned with how old I am than by the fact I have dedicated myself to God and Christ with a life of study. I know I am imperfect in my Christianity, but I ask God for guidance. I reason that a younger, thinner, good looking, financially stable non-Christian, or weak Christian would do better on Christian Cafe than I do, although I do receive some emails, and have been on three dates via the site. But, as my friend Zombie once told me, 'Christian women do not care if you study theology'. Sadly, this is often the case. I realize it is not always the case. Everyone please forgive me for still being relatively sexually inexperienced and wanting to find a young woman that could still possibly have children with me. Shame on me! How stupid of me, I should be willing to go from a man of little experience to instant stepfather of teenagers, should I not!? I should abandon all hope of finding someone who is spiritually, intellectually, and physically attractive to me because I have not been able to find someone suitable with mutual attraction. I should now capitulate and settle for what I can get, right? I know, I know, I should take a chance on a 'scamma', and see if I can convert them.

On Equally Matched most of the women do not seem to mind older men and there are a lot of professional looking photos. Interestingly, there are many women featured claiming to be associated with the Church of Christ. I think at least some of what goes on this site is suspicious.

My reply to the following was...

No thanks.

Sent: Thursday, April 17, 2008 4:18 AM


Dearest, thank you for those beautiful words of yours how I wish I can be with you and I will really like to have a good relationship with you. I promise you all that makes up a defined and a refined LOVE and MARIAGE and I have a special reason why I decided to contact you. I decided to contact you because of the urgency of my situation here. I am Miss Jenifa Saybana Kamara, 25 years old girl from Liberia, the only daughter of late Saybana Kamara who was one time a Senate speaker of Liberia but killed in the recent political crisis in my country.

I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment I'm receiving from my step mother since the death of my father. She planned to take away all my late father's treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved father. Meanwhile I wanted to escape to the Europe but she hide away my international passport and other valuable traveling documents. Luckily, she did not discover where I kept my father’s file which contained important documents. So, I decided to run to the refugee camp where I'm presently seeking asylum under the United Nations High Commission for the Refugee here in Dakar, Republic of Senegal. I wish to contact you personally for a long term business relationship, investment assistance and mariage,in your country or any-where you might recommend.

My late father of blessed memory deposited the sum of Six Million, Five Hundred thousand U.S Dollars (US$6,500,000.00) some-where with my name as the "next of kin". However, I shall forward you with the necessary documents on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me receive the fund in your country for further investments on my behalf. As you will help me in an investment, and I will like to complete my studies when I will come over to your country as I was in my 1st year in the university when the crisis started. It is my intention to compensate you with 10% of the total money for your services and the balance will be my investment capital. This is the reason why I decided to contact you. Please all communications should be through this email address only for confidential purposes.

As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest, I will put things into action immediately and will educate you more on the way you will assist me receive the money.I assures you that this buisness is 100% risk free. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent response indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely. I am staying at the female hostel here in the refugee camp. Please, keep this transaction to your self only. Do not disclose it to any one till the fund (money) gets to you in your country which I will also come over once the fund (money) gets to you. I promise you sincerity and honesty over this our transaction and relationship and will always love you forever.. I expect your honest and earliest reply. If you want to get me on phone, you please call me through the reverend-priest of the HOPE OF GLORY CHURCH BRANCH in this refugee camp on +221 777 806 407, his name is Rev. Mark Anthony,he is like a father to me, call and tell him you want to speak with Jenifa Saybana Kamara of Liberia. attached below are my pictures. I will give you more on reqeust. I am awaiting to hear from you soonest. thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

Miss Saybana Kamara

Well, what do you think, folks? She will love me forever...golly, wowee!

Red Mole Man presents satirical thoughts

Miami Beach, Florida (photo from

1. Mr. Jeff Jenkins has posted an article on Dinosaur and Human footprints.

Please check it out.

As well via Jeff:

Related to Jeff's article, I do not hold to Macroevolutionary theory, however...I have a couple of male friends who are sadly hairy. I really have to wonder if they did evolve from apes. Forget Hare Krishna...Hairy Christians?

Okay, now that George Harrison song is going through my mind, My Sweet Lord with Eric Clapton's interesting guitar playing.

Harry Christians, my sweet lord. Too bad the Harrison song is about a false lord.

2. I listen to BBC Radio Five radio on the internet occasionally. I have heard two funny comments recently which I shall paraphrase. One concerns recently fired Tottenham Hotspurs manager Martin Jol. The commentator stated that it was a shame that the stout Jol was fired as it was so close to Christmas and the season to be jolly. Also recently an older cricket analyst was complaining about one of the representatives of England's cricket team. This older man stated that this player did not smile and always walked around as if he had piles.

3. In the 1990's, I went to the free 90 minute Tom Vu 'semina' twice for some laughs with friends. On one occasion Tom suggested that one look for a real estate seller who has recently had a heart attack and then make a low ball offer.

4. I try to take care of myself physically. I have flown to Florida to receive laser treatment for vitreous floaters. I have met with several ophthalmologists and asked for advice. I have had two sleep apnea related surgeries and will soon likely be receiving the third one.

However, I completely missed the boat with skin care. Perhaps thekingpin68 is a dumb macho man? I reasoned that with the hours and hours I spend by this computer, that the hour or so a day I spend outside in the often overcast Lower Mainland could not cause me skin problems. Wrong, wrong, wrong, Red Mole Man. I had four sun caused red moles growing on my face that had to be burned off this week. I feel kind of stupid, but I am glad they are gone. I do not need skin cancer to go along with my other very annoying ailments.

Red moles are kind of suspicious I guess, and one was broken open for awhile. Imagine if the red moles were somewhere else, and not on my face, perhaps I would not even be able to see them. So now every time I go outside with any sunlight I where 55 sunscreen.

This is yet another lesson that my finite nature lets me down. With our weather I assumed I only needed sunscreen in the sunniest spring/summer days, but how wrong I have been. I am glad that the Lord led me to a good MD.

5. Speaking of which, as I stated in thekingpin68 comments, my MD who is an excellent one, told me after burning off my red moles and discussing my sleep apnea problems, that we used to be able to hold our breath longer under water when we were ducks!

He then quickly backtracked, and stated, we were not ducks, but through evolution we used to be able to hold our breath under water for long periods of time.

I was believe that stuff? Where is the empirical proof that 'Homo sapiens' used to be able to exist under water for a long period?

Quack, Quack, Quack evolution is right off the track.

6. Being positive is only meaningful in the context of being realistic. Not a satirical thought, but meaningful I hope.

Apparently, he is fine.

Would you swim in Devil's Pool?

Victoria Falls, of Zambia and Zimbabwe

Mr. Jeff Jenkins provided me with these interesting clips. Thanks, Jeff. He writes many good articles with helpful information on apologetics.

This is Jeff's blog from my links:

The site is Devil's Pool in Victoria Falls, Zambia.

It appears this is a natural pool, and somehow when persons jump in the pool, they can manage to safely remain close to the edge of the pool without falling down Victoria Falls.

When I first saw the clips, I deduced that there were rocks preventing persons from falling from the Devil's Pool into the Victoria Falls.

According to:

Although certainly not for the faint of heart, swimming in the Devil's Pool is probably not as dangerous as it appears in the photographs. A natural rock ledge reduces the current and stops swimmers from being swept over the edge. As the email notes, the pool is only safe to use at times of the year when water levels are comparatively low. At other times when more water flows down the river, the ledge does not offer enough protection for swimmers and the pool is inaccessible.

According to:

The Victoria Falls is a waterfall situated in southern Africa between the countries of Zambia and Zimbabwe. From September to December, due to low water levels, it is possible to swim at the edge of the falls in a naturally formed safe pool, accessed via Livingstone Island.

I would possibly with local guidance, take a dip in this Devil's Pool. With God's help, I will not dive into the Devil's pool of life. If something goes wrong in this Zambian Pool, one could die in Victoria Falls...a kind of classy way to die I suppose. But, if one is involved with the works of Satan, God shall punish, outside of the grace of God saving one from everlasting punishment. Jesus states in Luke 12: 4-5 that a person should not fear one who can kill the body, but fear God who can cast one into hell. I do not want to be the Devil's fool.

Is this elephant related to Bob Ross? Thanks to Mom, for the clip.

Floyd Mayweather defeats Big Show, sort of

My writing is presented in regular font, and the text in italics is from the linked article below.

ORLANDO -- Even in the world of professional wrestling, Floyd Mayweather Jr. is still undefeated.

Wow;) He won a fixed fight, congratulations.

Mayweather Jr., the undefeated WBC welterweight champion, made his professional wrestling debut at WrestleMania XXIV in front of 74,635 fans at the Citrus Bowl and defeated the Paul "Big Show" Wight, with a brass-knuckled right hook to Wight's jaw.

I could win many fights with the use of brass-knuckles, in fact, even my good friend Saint Chucklins could win a lot of fights using brass-knuckles. Better yet, I could carry in a high-powered rifle to a match and pretty much be guaranteed a win.

The 7-foot, 440-pound Wight was knocked down to his knees by three Mayweather steel chair shots (and really, what would a pro wrestling match be without a few chair shots, right?) before the boxer took off his gloves in favor of brass knuckles in the "no-holds-barred match."

Perhaps the fight would have ended earlier, if Mayweather would have used a two-by-four, or a baseball bat.

So, I guess we had a phony street fight presented.

While Mayweather, who wore oversized black and white fur shorts, won his much-publicized WWE match, he took more abuse than most expected as Wight slapped Mayweather loudly across the chest, slammed him down to the mat and stepped on his body a couple of times, at one point walking over him in the middle of the ring.

Perhaps, Big Show should have sat on Mayweather and had Pizza delivered, and he probably would have won the fight.

The absurdity of the match, however, was probably best captured early on when Mayweather dangled on Wight's back and brought him down with a chokehold before Wight recovered and took out most of Mayweather's entourage.

There was more chance of Big Show choking on a peanut, while eating peanuts, sitting on Mayweather, than being choked out by Mayweather.

Five hours prior to the fight, Mayweather walked down the neon-lit 175 -foot entranceway to the ring alongside WWE Executive Vice President Shane McMahon and his business manager Leonard Ellerbe, going over everything from his entrance to the ebb-and-flow of the match.

I suppose so, for a twenty million dollar pay day for Mayweather. I think in a real fight, Mayweather would have been in trouble.

"My ultimate goal is to entertain the fans and entertain the people," said Mayweather. "A lot of people on the outside say that wrestling is not this and its not that, but believe me, wrestling is real. They're not just entertainers, they're athletes. There are hard slaps and hard punches."

The fight was fixed, but many of the larger wrestlers have so much mass and strength, they would provide a medium-sized fighter like Mayweather a substantial challenge.

Thanks to Mom for emailing these pictures to me.

The pot at the end of the rainbow.

Grand-Anne, New Brunswick

Grand-Anne, New Brunswick


A 2007 April fools' joke. Tattoos for toddlers.

Jay Leno made me laugh last night when he stated that women with a tattoo on the back above the bum, have a tramp stamp. Classic.